Intruded

I did share this year’s Raya with my birthday. However, raya feels rather dull this year. Why? Don’t ask me.. everyone’s been saying the same. I’m still in my grandmom’s place, will only return to KL on Friday I think and I’m stucked with dial-up. Honestly, it feels bad to come back to dial-up but oh well.. that’s better than nothing right?

I guess I’m just bored here. My fiance is out with my two sisters, shopping and I’m seriously not interested in joining them.. so here I am, stucked at home. Oh well.. I hope you all had a great holidays (you are still on holidays right? :P). Adios!

I’ll be leaving back to my home town soon (in a couple of hours to be exact) and since I dont know if I’ll be able to wish everyone out there on that day itself.. here goes my wish. Selamat menyambut hari raya Aidilfitri to every Muslims on the planet and to the non-Muslims, do drop by to our houses to celebrate and happy holidays to everyone

It feels like forever since I last smiled or laughed freely. These days I smile and laugh to hide the fact that I’m never happy. I get something good in life and before I can even taste the full of it, it goes away. Nothing in life actually makes me feel good anymore. Why does it always work this way for me? Or it’s actually happening to everyone but they’re are as good as I am at covering it up?

I used to be able to hide the emotions and cover it up nicely. Everyone would think I’m the happiest man alive but these days it’s just not as easy anymore. I guess I’m just losing it and soon I’ll lose my mind and then I’ll just forget who I am or even who I was. Nothing’s been working out and honestly, I don’t give a shit anymore.

I guess there’s simply no point of being nice to people. I used to be nice and what did I ever get in return? I made their day, I made their smile and when I need all that, no one seems to be around. Their life is more important than I am. Perhaps, it’s just the way it is. Perhaps it was wrong for me to ignore my life once to make others feel better. You know, no one’s worth it anymore. I do feel that way these days. You don’t like it? I don’t give a damn anymore!

Nothing much has been going on and that was why the lack of update I think. Most importantly I think that leaves me some time for myself too. Time to sit down and think, remembering the old days, current days and what the future holds for me. Sometimes, I cant help but wonder what will happen in the near future.

A lecturer once asked me about 5 years ago “Where would you see yourself in the next 25 years?”
or something. The only thing I could think off then was “6 feet under”. Ironically, nothing has changed in that 5 years. I still think of the same thing. What? I’m not being optimistic in life? Maybe.. I’m just confused as everyone is I guess. So, let’s all be confused. Sit in the shower or where you think is a good place for you to have a deep thought on something. Let’s all try to decide on what is life really about and if you have an answer.. do let me know. I’m sure I would love to know.

Anyway, that’s going to be long enough for my crappy site design. Adios and have a great week ahead (I know everyone’s going to hate me, school starts back again and so is work but get over it :))

I hate it whenever this happens, but I guess somethings are just not meant to be. After several times of testing and playing around with it, inetUtils is still loading slow. I took most of the things down the and speed is still the same. I guess having an international host is seriously a bad idea for us Malaysians. Anyone knows any not-so-expensive Malaysian hosting that allows php’s exec(), shell() and so on? I haven’t been able to locate any.

The following are the latest changes on inetUtils that I’ve made. The hoster blocks outgoing connection on port 25 so the open relay test script I made was taken down. Ping has been disabled as well, so the page has been removed. Luckily, I’m still allowed to connect to port 80, so the Youtube Video Download script is still running. Yeah, you can download Youtube videos from my link. I know there’s a lot of places, software’s that can be used for that purpose but still, I insist on having my own. Please do check it out, who knows.. you just “might” like it.

Anyway, I’m outta here. Bitching about it wouldn’t really change anything, so I’m off. Have a great day peeps. Adios!